I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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