im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Randomize
