Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
be right there i have to get my cape
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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