do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
is that a dick in a sweater?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
