every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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