fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
