I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
