when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize