You smell like a Billy Joel song
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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