They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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