I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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