Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
