whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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