Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
