So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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