Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
