tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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