Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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