Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
