she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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