My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
false alarm, still single
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
