I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
