12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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