Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
