just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
