Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
