I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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