I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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