I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
worst night to have a conscience
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
