at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
