new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
