the new term for farting is butt boxing.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
