I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
did i walk over a car last night?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
