afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
