Already got asked if we're dating
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize