He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
