Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
