I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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