What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
