Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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