i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
