no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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