So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
