I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
