i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
