i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
