Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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