Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
