So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I know her cup size but not her name....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
