i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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