get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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