Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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