I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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