He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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