I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
