I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
