I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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