Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
