I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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