Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
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Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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