i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
