the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
