i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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