He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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