? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
