I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
