white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
