Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
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so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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