hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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