so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize