Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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