im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
