Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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