You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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